Automobile Gynocologist

I was only supposed to hold the light.
That's it. Just a light. But what started as me 'helping' ended up as me 'doing it all'. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning...
Bubba decided it would be a great idea to do some of our own minor car repairs. Now, to be fair, I completely supported this idea because, at the time, it did not include me doing anything at all. I was fine with him doing whatever he wanted to with the car as long as I wasn't around to screw anything up. I won't be held responsible for putting myself and/or The Kid in danger. Oh no, I need someone else to blame that on.
"I'm gonna go out and put this belt on while y'all get a bath ok?" Bubba yelled to me. I was sitting on top of the toilet in the hall bathroom watching The Kid play in the tub. "Sure" I reply. I should have jumped in the bathtub with The Kid right then, but I continued to sit there and read a magazine while the dog joined The Kid in her quest to drink every bit of the soapy water in the tub. Ten minutes later Bubba appears in the doorway. "Umm, hey. Can you come out here and help me? I need you to hold the light." "Ok. Let me get her out of the bath and put some clothes on her". With the baby dressed and put in her baby prison -er, I mean 'pack and play'- I threw on a sweatshirt and went out to the garage. Bubba's standing there with mechanic gloves on looking at me. "Can you hold the light right here? I can't see what I'm doing." I hold the light while he tries to mess with the serpentine belt. After about ten minutes of grunting, cursing and pulling he stops what he's doing. "Your hands are small. Do you think you could maybe get the belt just around this back part? My arms are too big to fit." What? No. He lured me out there under false pretenses. I was only supposed to hold a light! This isn't 'can you change these wiper blades?' or 'will you fill up the wiper fluid?', no, this is 'can you put this rubber strap over and under about 10 different wheels that make the car run?'. Crap. All I need to do screw up something and not only am I in trouble for breaking Bubba's car, but I will have broken the nice car. Oh well. It was his idea. I put on Bubba's XL mechanic gloves and put my hands down the side of the engine. "You feel that?" he says "Now, you're going to need to put the belt around that wheel and bring it back over the smooth one and around the smaller one with the grooves" he says. "What?! What the hell are you talking about?" "It's on the diagram I found on the Internet." he replies and points to the computer. Sure. You can also find a diagram on how to perform open heart surgery on the Internet, but that doesn't mean you should try it with out a medical degree. But, I'm either a good sport or a glutton for punishment so I look at the picture. It doesn't look that hard. If I can knit and braid hair, surely I can do this. Right? Well, it's too late to back out, so I dug in.
Fast forward about 20 minutes and a lot of wiggling and cursing, I'm laying on top of the engine shoulder deep in a Carolla. I swore that if I ever, ever get ahold of whatever moron... hold on. If I just moved a little to the left...there! "Hurry! Pull the tension!" I yelled. And just like that, I did it. I freaking did it. Me. After almost an hour violating that poor little foreign car I became the most bad-ass person on my block.