Looky-Loos and Dirty Gawkers

I have a cute kid. Actually, she's not just cute; she's downright adorable. It's a scientific fact that has been proven. Seriously. And, as anyone with a cute kid knows, people love to look at your kid. Sometimes though it's not just a 'Aww, isn't she sweet' look, it's a strange look. What I would would characterize as a 'gawk'. Maybe it's just me (and it probably is), but these 'gawks' seem to outnumber the nice, polite glances sometimes.
I do realize that I may look a little strange to some people around here. You would think that living near a college town people would have seen folks alot stranger looking than a 26 year old girl with short hair and moderately large plugs in her ears. Maybe they're not allowed out that often. Maybe there are more important things for them to watch on Fox news, who knows. Whatever the reason, when I catch these 'gawkers' I can see their wheels turning. I know they're thinking a myriad of things like:

"What is that 12 year old boy doing with that baby?"
"What is that lesbian doing with a kid? I didn't think they could reproduce..."
"Look at that hippie freak-o with that baby strapped to her. I bet she's a dirty commie..."
I love it when when I catch these people staring. Actually, I hate it. Nothing makes me more angry than these people in their minivans sitting there judging me while I struggle to cram a kicking and screaming child in a Ford Focus. I need a new approach. I need to look at them right in the eye and smile. It'll creep them out so much. I'll feed on their fear much like sharks, bears, rabid dogs and small children.

But, worse than the 'gawkers' are the scourge I call the 'looky-loos'. The 'looky-loos' are usually people over 45 who have either grown children or grandchildren and find it perfectly normal to go out of their way to come over touch your child while giving you unsolicited parenting advice. Target, restaurants, the grocery store, no place is off limits to these people. They will hunt you down on the bread aisle to touch your kid with their (probably) unwashed hands and say things like:
"Look at that red hair! Boy, you don't look like your parents do you..."
"What a cute little boy! Oh, she's a girl? Well..."
"She can't be an only child! Oh, no matter what you say now, you will have more..."
"Is she walking yet? You know my kids walked at 8 months..."
"Can she talk yet? Well, my kids could recite the Gettysburg address at 10 months..."
My kid is never dirty, hungry, unloved, or inappropriately dressed, but according to these people, I am absolutely failing as a parent and as a human being and it's their responsibility to passive-aggressively tell me. Thanks Grandma for the pep talk. I think I'll call DCS immediately and relinquish all my parental rights.
Thank God there are people out there like this; otherwise, I might think I'm a decent mom to this kid.