Our first nominee is skilled in what I like to call "Juvenile Communication". While I was in line waiting to check out I heard her in action:"Is this what you want? Well, is it? Well then, you better get happy about it real quick then! Don't you cry! I'm not going to buy it for you then!". At first I thought that she must be talking to her sour-puss teenager about a certain Jonas Brother dvd, cd, or something and other. Then, I turned around to see a 3 year old girl clutching a box of polly pockets and silently weeping. A few moments later, after we got into our car in the parking lot, we see this wonderful woman put said 3 year old into the car. In the front seat. Without a car seat.
Nominee no.2 made a brief, but memorable appearance. This woman exemplified outstanding knowledge in a field I refer to as "Infant Health". All I can say is:
- Cigarette in mouth
- Smoke in Child's face
- Ambivalence to child's obvious discomfort.
*Drumroll, please.
And the winner is...
I can't believe it! It's a tie! Johnny, tell 'em what they've won!
"Well folks, our lucky parents probably should win a full year of state mandated parenting classes, but we've decided to give them what they'll really use: $30 worth of lotto tickets, a carton of Winstons and a year's supply of Yoohoo for the young'ns!"
Sweet.
And with that, let me leave you with what my mentor, the great Jerry Springer would call "Our Final Thought"-
No matter how much I may question myself, I learned one important lesson today: If I ever wonder if I am doing a good job raising my child, all I have to do is make a trip to my local Toys R Us and see why some people should be forcibly sterilized...um, no. That's not right. What I ment to say was: I'm a much better parent than I give myself credit for sometimes.
(Right?)
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