Let Your Freak Flag Fly

Day Two of our yard sale adventure and boy, the weirdos are out in full force. It's like a John Waters film, except not as cool. Or like "Napoleon Dynamite", just funny in a creepy way. And with more member's only jackets. Just a sampling of today so far:

• A mother-daughter duo who looked exactly alike. I felt like I was in 'The Shining'. I was half expecting them to ask me "Will you scrapbook with us? Forever?". I was on the verge of screaming (with laughter).


• The Kid got a free Spanish lesson from two Hispanic construction workers. Much more colorful than any episode of Dora the Explorer.


• A guy who inexplicably breaks into song. Less like Mr. Shuster from"Glee" and more like Buffalo Bob from "Silence of the Lambs".


• Some dude in a car who asked another random customer to "Go ask about those lawnmowers". I told Ms.Random Customer "If he can't get outta the car, I ain't gonna deal with him." Curbside service is extra, fool.

I also pissed off the elderly yesterday, so my week's complete. You wanna know the story? Too bad; I'll tell you anyway.

It was 7am and I had just woken up. I told Dad to wake me up at 6, so I was not so happy. I threw on some clothes and got out in the driveway asap. Outside, poking through my old crap is a man about 75 years old. I was brought up to be polite so I say hello. "I was here earlier" he snaps. Oh hell naw. It's too early and I'm running on too little sleep. I just give him the stare. "I was here earlier and you were still asleep. Your mother was out here by herself" he informs me. I pull down my sunglasses and look him dead in the eye; "Well, I was up all night with my baby, so if you'll excuse me" I reply as sweet as I can. Old Man River shuts his mouth. He looks at me like have leprosy. But that wasn't it. Not at all. I did exactly what I wanted to do; I made him believe that I was some unwed, teenage mother who still lives at home with her parents. I've never seen a man that old move away from a person that fast. Maybe he thought my trashiness was contagious, maybe he was looking for some rocks to stone me. Either way, I can cross that off my to-do list. Next up: 'tell a yankee how stupid they are all while using my best southern accent and prefacing it with "bless your heart". Then my week will be complete.